Some people can ramble on and on with a lot of mindless dribble when they are speaking to us. At my house we call it diarrhea of the mouth. I know you know what I mean. We all know these people. Some of us may even meet them in the bathroom mirror each morning. This can also be true of writers once they get going. Diarrhea of the Pen. Sometimes when the muse muses, the flood gates open and the words just gush. The problem is that when we read what we wrote the next day a number of things can have happened.

For instance:

1. It makes no sense whatsoever. You know- like when you dream up a really great story and you wake up and are anxious to write it down but, by the time you find the pen, it crumbles in the light of day?
2. Who said that?
3. She said what?
4. You find your hero is trapped with no escape and has to keep on keeping on for nine more chapters!
5. You start repeating yourself- as if your audience were all afflicted with Alzheimer's.
6. You've added so many characters that you can't even keep them all straight - heaven help your readers!

How about Terminal Tenacity? This is when you get fixated on an idea or character when it becomes obvious to anyone else that it is not workable and needs to be pitched. We try and try to make it work. We change all kinds of possibly good story line trying, in vain, to make it work. It has to work! It must! At the risk of sounding trite, a round peg will still not fit into a square hole.

Descriptitus occurs as a result of everything being so well described that the reader gets bored and wonders when you are going to just 'get on with it!'

What the stark brought. Starkosis is a terminal illness that is caused by too little description. We get so caught up in the plot or story line that we don't flesh anything out. How can anyone get excited over the trials, triumphs and escapades of stick figures in a wasteland?

There is a form of dementia that is caused by too much "emailese" and reliance on spellcheckers. Suddenly we find that we can't spell the simplest of words. Very frightening indeed! Beware of Spelldentia.

This is by no means a complete rundown of diseases that afflict authors. Of course, if I gave you a complete rundown I would once again be suffering from Diarrhea of the Pen! Besides, I have a lot of writing yet to do. Which means that I'm still contracting more diseases along the way. Probably even some that haven't been discovered yet!

Copyright April 6, 2000 Ann Wilkes